Dear Josey: Why is it that the thing that attracted a girl to a guy in the first place is the thing she wants to change in him?

Don't Go Changing Me

Dear Don't: I know, weird that one, isn't it? Why is that dress I dropped a wad on because I thought it was so fabulous now sitting in my closet, looking like nothing I would ever wear in a million years? We're funny that way.

Quirky things that set people apart from the rest are what give them their charm. Often, we are attracted to things we may not possess ourselves. A quiet, shy type is attracted to an outgoing personality.

Somehow, this same fabulous outgoing person slowly transforms into a flirtatious, overbearing, opinionated lout. Go figure. Sometimes you come to resent things about someone that you secretly wish you could possess more of yourself. Easier to try and change them than yourself.

The other thing is that many of us are initially attracted to the differences in someone, but when things get more intimate and challenging, get frustrated because the other person doesn't think and do things exactly as we would. Which is really frustrating, especially if you're like me and you know your way is always better and more right.

When I get like this, I often remind myself that until they can clone someone in my image, I cannot go out with someone who is exactly like me.

And who would want to go out with themselves? We all want someone to complement us, but to be and think as much like us as possible. Tough balance, that. You have to figure out what you can compromise to keep benefiting from the stuff you like without constantly trying to change the things you don't (because, guess what, you can't).

And sometimes you have to remind yourself that you are, shocking as it may be, two different people.