How to make sure that sex isn’t left off the menu just because you're a mom
By Megan McChesney
Yes, it’s lovely when your partner buys you flowers. Or brings you breakfast in bed. Or takes you out to dinner to thank you for your incredible mothering skills and abilities. But sometimes all Mommy really wants is a bit of nookie.
Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes, actually, it is. When you and your partner are burning the candle at both ends and dealing with the occasional pint-sized bedfellow, sex can be too much to hope for. But where there’s a will, there’s a way. Read on…
ASK FOR IT
If you want it, you have to ask for it. Your attention is being pulled in many directions when you’re caring for kids, and picking up on subtle come-ons isn’t as easy when you’re distracted. Until you’re empty nesters, you’ll have to use your words. Whether you whisper seductively into your partner’s ear at the grocery store or state your request matter-of-factly over a sink of dishes, let your partner know you’re game.
WELL-LAID PLANS
Scheduling sex in your Day-Timer isn’t always, well, sexy. But if you can set aside a time for a little lovin’, it will give you something to look forward to, and will also give you more incentive to do it. It’s easy to turn down spontaneous sex if you’re even the least bit tired/cranky/headache-y. Of course you should never have sex if you don’t want to; that only breeds resentment. Sometimes it’s just easier to have sex when it’s planned.
SEDUCE, SEDUCE, SEDUCE
Foreplay doesn’t have to wait for the bedroom. Start your flirting early. Simple caresses, naughty squeezes and stolen kisses can get those hormonal engines revving. And don’t restrict foreplay to the day you’ve planned to have sex—sneak in a little amorous interaction as often as possible. Regular loving contact isn’t just vital to a healthy sex life, it’s vital to a healthy relationship.
HOME ALONE
In a dream world, there would be magical nannies who would show up and take the kids to the park whenever you get the “urge.” But in reality, you just have to take it when you can. Part of being a parent is being relatively alert and ready to respond to your child’s needs, so sneaking in some grown-up fun in during SpongeBob might not be the most responsible thing (because anyone who says they’re still totally aware of their surroundings during sex isn’t enjoying it enough). Either arrange for a babysitter and sneak off to a hotel (how saucy!), or wait until your kids are at school, at a friend’s house or fast asleep. And no matter what your kids’ ages, get a lock for your bedroom door for the times you want to secure your privacy. No one can truly enjoy sex if they’re constantly listening for the creak of the door. To keep tabs on little ones, a baby monitor will do the trick.
QUICK AND DIRTY
Though a lingering love-making session is certainly delicious, when there are teens clomping around at all hours or sippy-cups to fill, it might not fit the bill. Be prepared to accept that a quickie is just more realistic. And hey, quickies can be a lot of fun. When it comes right down to it, any kind of sex is better than none. Am I right?
Megan McChesney writes a biweekly sexuality column for the Toronto Star’s Health section. She thinks that her fiancé is sexiest when he washes the dishes (without being asked).
