Kittys and Cougars.... A place to purrr

After a recent night out, it occurred to me that for some strange reason, the traditional methods of approaching the opposite sex are totally distorted when alcohol and loud music are introduced into the equation. Alright, so maybe this wasn’t the first time I had considered the effects of intoxication on dating rituals (far from it, actually), but all the same, this is what I’ve decided to discuss.

Now, I understand the necessity for liquid courage in some situations. Walking up to an insanely good looking girl and asking her anything has got to be daunting, but trying to ask her out has got to be ridiculous. However, when that little boost becomes a shove that sends you flying with your hand directed at her behind, something has gone terribly wrong. It’s all about the proper balance of your mindset and your actions, which is sometimes hard to find. So boys, put on your listening caps and get ready for the advice which could be the difference between getting lucky and getting slapped.

Know your Limit

Please, do us all a favour and don’t be one of those guys who downs 12 beers and then decides he’s ready to go out onto the floor and pick up some chicks. Watching a drunken fool stumbling towards you is not something that makes girls think “Wow, I hope he comes and talks to me!” No, we think the exact opposite and move out of the general vicinity. We understand that sometimes breaking out of your shy exterior to approach someone can be something that’s much easier when you have a bit of a buzz going, so by all means, make yourself comfortable. Don’t make yourself stupid.

Mind your Hands

After working all week, going out to dance on the weekend is something countless people look forward to. If you see a bunch of ladies getting down on the floor, please do not interpret that as an invite for your crotch to start grinding up behind them. If you see a girl you want to dance with, be decent about it. Leave it up to her to get closer and judge each situation on a case by case basis. Just try to use your common sense. If she’s cringing or being pulled away by her girlfriends, be assured she is not making a playful ploy for your attention, but is instead attempting to escape. Remember boys, being friendly is a go, being grabby is a big no!

Watch your Words

Maybe I should refer to this tip as “use your words.” We’re looking for actual words here, not “pssts” or whistles or other noises that in some far off land might pass for language. Even though she’s wearing a sexy mini skirt and all the blood in your body is rushing to certain unmentionable parts, it’s important to try to keep enough in your brain to ensure your ability to communicate remains intact. It’s been said before, and I won’t be the last to say, women want to be respected, not treated like pieces of meat. Try starting off with “Hi, I’m (insert name here),” instead of “yo baby, you’re lookin’ fine,” and maybe she’ll stick around long enough for you to get another sentence in there.

Be Real

If you are lucky enough to get to the second sentence, you’re doing a good job! Now, don’t screw up by pretending to be someone you’re not! You’ve got to remember that even if you are a little geeky, trying to act like someone other than who you really are will more than likely result in her becoming suspicious of the façade. You know what they say about women’s intuition? Well, it’s pretty much true. Not even that, but let’s say you actually manage to pull off the other persona long enough to get a number, are you ever going to be yourself? Of course, there’s always some performance involved with common dating rituals, but don’t stretch yourself too thin; we’ll see through it.

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